does he... or doesn't he

i spent most of today ranting and 'almost-whining' about how mixed up my luve-life has been last week. yech!

from the looks of things.. and from the way the people made me finally see those little details i refused to see before.. he really loves me.

and probably, that love is even more than any guy has given me before. of course ang haba haba haba haba ng hair ko, as in!

i like that haba-hair feeling, reminds me of how i felt when i ego-trip. wait, in fact, that haba-hair feeling is a result of my ego-trips. what the hell... okay, i'm egoistic. but at least i make sure my bubble won't burst.

anyone, i'm on the verge of going to him right now, of saying sorry. this thin thread of left-over propriety and this big boulder of pride keeps me from getting out of this room and going to where he is right now.

my mantra: i can't make a fool of myself, i can't make a fool of myself, i can't make a fool of myself...

i hope i have a pack of capri right beside me, and i'm smoking a stick right now. one hand with the stick, the other hand holding--almost hugging-- a caramel frappe with a double shot of espresso.. WOW! that could be as close to heaven as i could be right now, considering the circumstances.

i hope i could survive today without me feeling so sick.

TO HIM:
i hope you;d come. we'll both make things right. i have made mistakes, just like you and for the first time, i am saying sorry to you today.

SH*T! this is me, feeling like almost begging for his attention. i'm so sorry to everyone who knows who i am referring to.. i just found out i can't let him go.